The Rules of My Daughter

I have a three year old daughter that I affectionately call The Terrorist; this is a list of rules told from her perspective.

1. If I'm not happy, everyone WILL know about it, typically at the top of my voice.- Add a head bang into a wall or floor for extra effect. This method is best used in cases such as getting apple juice out of the refrigerator instead of out of the new bottle, receiving the pink cup instead of the Frozen cup, or being told "no" ever.
2. If I can't see you, I'm obviously invisible.- I don't care if I am behind a piece of furniture, under a blanket, or just have my hands over my eyes, this rule still applies.
3. If good music comes on, you dance. No matter where you are.- I have been known to dance in the pool, in the living room, at the grocery store, at church, at a wedding, at a funeral, and even at Bubba's school. The only place you should never, ever dance at is dance class. And for all that is good in this world, NO twerking! You are too good for that!
4. Sometimes a good tantrum will open doors.- Usually if you do it in front of those magic doors that somehow know you are coming and open by themselves. Freaks me out every time and ALWAYS makes me throw a tantrum.
5. A little flirting never hurts.- Practice on any brothers you may have and Daddy. Neither will ever be able to say no.
6. When sleeping, ooze all over the bed to ensure a good night's rest.- Especially true when sleeping with Momma and Daddy. They have a big bed so spread out! Bonus points if you can get each of them to move to a different room or sleep on the very edge.
7. Screeching helps solve everything.- Really, top-of-your-lungs screeching helps everything.
8. Everything is forgiven with an "I love you".- The tall servants cannot resist it. All your bad doings will be forgiven with these three little words. If you have been especially horrible, add flirting (rule 5), you'll have it made.
9. Laughing at someone's misfortune is sometimes very appropriate.- Momma slipped while carrying your poopy diaper to the trash and your diaper landed on Bubba's head? A well placed "Haha!" will do very, very well. 
10. Singing into the microphone is mandatory.- The tall servants must sing, too, when you jam it into their chins.
11. Makeup makes you feel better.- Well, DUH!
12. Doc McStuffins really can cure anything.- She even makes band-aides now. They work fabulously on fake ouchies.
13. A well placed threat is a great reminder.- After taking care of you all day, the tall servants climb into bed and BAM! there's a My Little Pony laying there in the middle. That's right you two, I've got your number.
14. A girl can never have too many shoes.- She must have enough to color coordinate with whatever outfit she is wearing.
15. Or clothes.- OK, while you may just wear a pull up for everything, you want to be prepared for anything.
16. It's OK to get dirty.- Listen to what creeps your tall servants out the most and go for those things. For mine its spiders, snakes, worms, and frogs.
17. Splashing in the rain is fun.- Sometimes the tall servants will even join in.
18. Lock the door, always.- Momma walked out to get the mail? Quick! Lock the door then refer to Rule # 9.
19. To scare the tall servants, get very quiet.- You will quickly have their undivided attention.
20. When in doubt, stand next to Momma and yell "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY" over and over to show her how much you love her.- Because let's face it, you do.