OK, y'all, you know what happened this morning with Old, Hairy, Cranky Neighbor. No?? Go read, I'll wait. OK so now where were we....Oh yes Old, Hairy, Cranky Neighbor. I decided I would make a list of appropriate and inappropriate things to say to my children. This may or may not get passed around my neighborhood.
NEVER EVER SAY THIS STUFF TO MY CHILDREN
1. Never is it EVER OK to yell at my kids. They are not your kids or your grandkids or in any way related to you except by the unfortunate circumstances that find us neighbors. It is NEVER OK to yell at them. EVER. If they are about to go dive off the dock and swim in the alligator infested waters, let them. I may or may not have given them the idea. If your voice is raised, AT ALL, just don't say it!
2. Never is it EVER OK to tell my children to "Shut Up". It's ugly to say those words. Just ask Boy Wonder. If they are making too much noise for you, please, feel free to remove your hearing aides. Better yet, go inside and come out again later.
3. Never is it EVER OK to use bad language in front of my kids. I have the mouth of a sailor, I know. However, I can say whatever I want to to them and around them. I created these kids. I earned that right.
4. Never is it EVER OK to tell my kids that you would beat them. Now, I am from Texas. I believe in a good spanking from time to time...and I'm not just talking about behind my closed bedroom door. Traveling Dad and I do use spankings for crimes we feel warrant a spanking. Being loud, outside, is NOT one of those times.
5. Never is it EVER OK to threaten my kids that they will be taken away from me. It gets my hopes up for a vacation and more over it scares my kids unnecessarily. While I'm at it...Never is it EVER OK to mention fictional characters that come visit the household from time to time to my kids. I can threaten to call Santa or the Easter bunny or the Tooth Fairy...you may not.
6. Never is it EVER OK to say you will poison my dogs if they don't stop barking. Jack is old. He barks at nothing. Jill is dumb. She barks at everything. I'm sorry. They are dogs. It's what they do. (Possibly why you have cats, No?)
7. Never is it EVER OK to tell my children they are having too much fun. We live in a day and age where kids are glued to electronic devices ALL THE TIME. My children are not allowed to stay on their asses for too long. I force them to go outside and play. It is what we have a backyard for, after all.
8. Never is it EVER OK to give me parenting advice. I have two sets of parents that raised both my husband and myself that I can turn to should I need advice on something. Should they fail, I have parent friends I can turn to. More than that, I have the wonderful world of Facebook and my page I can turn to should I ever need advice. Yours, however, is unwanted.
9. Never is it EVER OK to call my children names. I get it. They are acting like brats. It's what kids do. Oh, they are spoiled? Tell me again how you endured my husband's or my childhood in order to spoil your grandkids. Tell me again how hard you work to support my children. I agree, running with scissors is not the brightest idea Boy Wonder has ever had. However, calling my children names is not right, not fair, and never OK with me...unless to say how smart, funny, pretty, etc they are.
10. Never is it EVER OK to voice your displeasure at what my children do or say in the realm of our household to us. This is our safe spot. This is our home. If we feel like blaring trumpets (at reasonable hours, of course) in our underwear in the confines of our home then so be it. It is not your job to question my choices or sanity. It is not your place to tell my kids they are being too loud. Or "annoyingly joyful". We aren't in a library. We aren't in your house or your yard. And we aren't at a funeral. They are kids. They, by the very definition, are loud and full of happy juice (may or may not be related to what's in Miss Piss's sippy cup). Kids will be kids.
NEVER EVER SAY THIS STUFF TO MY CHILDREN
1. Never is it EVER OK to yell at my kids. They are not your kids or your grandkids or in any way related to you except by the unfortunate circumstances that find us neighbors. It is NEVER OK to yell at them. EVER. If they are about to go dive off the dock and swim in the alligator infested waters, let them. I may or may not have given them the idea. If your voice is raised, AT ALL, just don't say it!
2. Never is it EVER OK to tell my children to "Shut Up". It's ugly to say those words. Just ask Boy Wonder. If they are making too much noise for you, please, feel free to remove your hearing aides. Better yet, go inside and come out again later.
3. Never is it EVER OK to use bad language in front of my kids. I have the mouth of a sailor, I know. However, I can say whatever I want to to them and around them. I created these kids. I earned that right.
4. Never is it EVER OK to tell my kids that you would beat them. Now, I am from Texas. I believe in a good spanking from time to time...and I'm not just talking about behind my closed bedroom door. Traveling Dad and I do use spankings for crimes we feel warrant a spanking. Being loud, outside, is NOT one of those times.
5. Never is it EVER OK to threaten my kids that they will be taken away from me. It gets my hopes up for a vacation and more over it scares my kids unnecessarily. While I'm at it...Never is it EVER OK to mention fictional characters that come visit the household from time to time to my kids. I can threaten to call Santa or the Easter bunny or the Tooth Fairy...you may not.
6. Never is it EVER OK to say you will poison my dogs if they don't stop barking. Jack is old. He barks at nothing. Jill is dumb. She barks at everything. I'm sorry. They are dogs. It's what they do. (Possibly why you have cats, No?)
7. Never is it EVER OK to tell my children they are having too much fun. We live in a day and age where kids are glued to electronic devices ALL THE TIME. My children are not allowed to stay on their asses for too long. I force them to go outside and play. It is what we have a backyard for, after all.
8. Never is it EVER OK to give me parenting advice. I have two sets of parents that raised both my husband and myself that I can turn to should I need advice on something. Should they fail, I have parent friends I can turn to. More than that, I have the wonderful world of Facebook and my page I can turn to should I ever need advice. Yours, however, is unwanted.
9. Never is it EVER OK to call my children names. I get it. They are acting like brats. It's what kids do. Oh, they are spoiled? Tell me again how you endured my husband's or my childhood in order to spoil your grandkids. Tell me again how hard you work to support my children. I agree, running with scissors is not the brightest idea Boy Wonder has ever had. However, calling my children names is not right, not fair, and never OK with me...unless to say how smart, funny, pretty, etc they are.
10. Never is it EVER OK to voice your displeasure at what my children do or say in the realm of our household to us. This is our safe spot. This is our home. If we feel like blaring trumpets (at reasonable hours, of course) in our underwear in the confines of our home then so be it. It is not your job to question my choices or sanity. It is not your place to tell my kids they are being too loud. Or "annoyingly joyful". We aren't in a library. We aren't in your house or your yard. And we aren't at a funeral. They are kids. They, by the very definition, are loud and full of happy juice (may or may not be related to what's in Miss Piss's sippy cup). Kids will be kids.
THINGS THAT ARE OK TO TELL MY CHILDREN
1. It IS OK to laugh at my kids. Let them hear it! They are funny funny little creatures (to which I am thankful since it gives me things to talk about). They can and will amuse you from time to time. Laugh loud and proud! It's ok. It's what keeps me sane.
2. It IS OK to tell my kids that it looks like they are having fun. My children never cease to amaze me with their antics. They are creative and spontaneous and well, fun! I remember a time not that long ago when I was a child and was allowed to use my imagination. It may be why I am able to write the way I do or tell my stories the way I do. It helps with their growth and their health to have fun and use their imagination...hey! We're learning here...shhh don't tell them that. These are the moments that make memories; please don't take away from that.
3. It IS OK to tell my kids how smart, independent, funny, sweet, pretty, handsome.... they are. So many times now it is easy to take away from a child's self esteem. So many times, as we age, we forget what it's like to be kids and seeking validation. Help me build them up! They will, as time goes on, tear themselves back down as they grow older. Be a highlight in my children's lives and not one more thing they need to avoid.
4. It IS OK to help my kids. Miss Piss gets freaked out when she can't find the words to say what she wants or needs. Boy Wonder sometimes gets overly excited and stumbles with his words. Give them the words they seek...just make them good ones.
5. It IS OK to tell my kids to be safe. Boy Wonder is walking on the roof, again? Talk to him about why that may not be the best decision. Tell him about your antics growing up. Don't give him ideas, please. Don't. But let him know about amusing things you used to do as a kid.
6. It IS OK to talk to my kids about yourself. Let them know how different things are now than when you were growing up. You used to be in the military?? Tell Boy Wonder. You'll make a friend for life.
7. It IS OK to talk to my kids about how lucky they are. They live a privileged life. They are spoiled. I blame their grandparents. It would be nice to have someone else let them know how very fortunate they truly are.
8. It IS OK to talk to my kids about the future. They are so very special. They live in the moment of NOW. Ask what they want to be when they grow up. They are funny and full of adventure so their answers just might surprise you. The answer of Pirate Spaceman That Drives a Train is a very real possibility here, people!
9. It IS OK to tell my kids about other children. They don't get to see very many other kids these days because of where we live and whats going on in our lives. Let them know about how little Timmy got to ride with the manatees or how Jane is dancing every day. I want them to know that these things are important to you so maybe they can see THEY are important to YOU.
10. It IS OK to relish in my children's delight. Miss Piss has mood swings that make PMSing women shudder. Boy Wonder has done so many different things that make me cringe and him proud. They are so interesting to know and so easy to love. Play with them. If we are playing water balloons, join in the fun. It may even be therapeutic for you. Just don't freeze the water balloons beforehand, please. Please help me form my kids. Let them know that what makes them happy makes you happy. In turn, help them come out of sadness by letting them know they aren't there alone.
1. It IS OK to laugh at my kids. Let them hear it! They are funny funny little creatures (to which I am thankful since it gives me things to talk about). They can and will amuse you from time to time. Laugh loud and proud! It's ok. It's what keeps me sane.
2. It IS OK to tell my kids that it looks like they are having fun. My children never cease to amaze me with their antics. They are creative and spontaneous and well, fun! I remember a time not that long ago when I was a child and was allowed to use my imagination. It may be why I am able to write the way I do or tell my stories the way I do. It helps with their growth and their health to have fun and use their imagination...hey! We're learning here...shhh don't tell them that. These are the moments that make memories; please don't take away from that.
3. It IS OK to tell my kids how smart, independent, funny, sweet, pretty, handsome.... they are. So many times now it is easy to take away from a child's self esteem. So many times, as we age, we forget what it's like to be kids and seeking validation. Help me build them up! They will, as time goes on, tear themselves back down as they grow older. Be a highlight in my children's lives and not one more thing they need to avoid.
4. It IS OK to help my kids. Miss Piss gets freaked out when she can't find the words to say what she wants or needs. Boy Wonder sometimes gets overly excited and stumbles with his words. Give them the words they seek...just make them good ones.
5. It IS OK to tell my kids to be safe. Boy Wonder is walking on the roof, again? Talk to him about why that may not be the best decision. Tell him about your antics growing up. Don't give him ideas, please. Don't. But let him know about amusing things you used to do as a kid.
6. It IS OK to talk to my kids about yourself. Let them know how different things are now than when you were growing up. You used to be in the military?? Tell Boy Wonder. You'll make a friend for life.
7. It IS OK to talk to my kids about how lucky they are. They live a privileged life. They are spoiled. I blame their grandparents. It would be nice to have someone else let them know how very fortunate they truly are.
8. It IS OK to talk to my kids about the future. They are so very special. They live in the moment of NOW. Ask what they want to be when they grow up. They are funny and full of adventure so their answers just might surprise you. The answer of Pirate Spaceman That Drives a Train is a very real possibility here, people!
9. It IS OK to tell my kids about other children. They don't get to see very many other kids these days because of where we live and whats going on in our lives. Let them know about how little Timmy got to ride with the manatees or how Jane is dancing every day. I want them to know that these things are important to you so maybe they can see THEY are important to YOU.
10. It IS OK to relish in my children's delight. Miss Piss has mood swings that make PMSing women shudder. Boy Wonder has done so many different things that make me cringe and him proud. They are so interesting to know and so easy to love. Play with them. If we are playing water balloons, join in the fun. It may even be therapeutic for you. Just don't freeze the water balloons beforehand, please. Please help me form my kids. Let them know that what makes them happy makes you happy. In turn, help them come out of sadness by letting them know they aren't there alone.
My kids are such a huge blessing for me. You have no idea the struggle I went through to have them. I love them more than life itself and some days they are the reason I keep living. They have seen parts of life that I wish I could have sheltered them from but that is part of who they are. They love big. Laugh fully. And are treasures to get to know. Yes, they are loud. They are vocal. They are emotional but that is part of what makes them them. Each of them has their own set of emotional and educational delays that we are working on. Each of them has their own set of milestones they are reaching for and set of issues that get in the way. Please, help me form them into people that will thrive. Help me show them they are important. They matter.
I hope this helps you understand where I am coming from. I pray this reaches your cold heart towards kids. I am trying to create lives here not just a day to day being. Please, help me. If you do I promise to not give my children Red Bull to drink and then tell them that it really does give them wings. I promise to keep our learning and growing fun to reasonable hours. I promise to accidentally misplace the batteries on the air horn (Who's bright idea was that anyways?) And I promise to be involved in my children's lives...that one is a given but still. I know this will make an impact on all of our lives...much like my children do on every one they meet.
I hope this helps you understand where I am coming from. I pray this reaches your cold heart towards kids. I am trying to create lives here not just a day to day being. Please, help me. If you do I promise to not give my children Red Bull to drink and then tell them that it really does give them wings. I promise to keep our learning and growing fun to reasonable hours. I promise to accidentally misplace the batteries on the air horn (Who's bright idea was that anyways?) And I promise to be involved in my children's lives...that one is a given but still. I know this will make an impact on all of our lives...much like my children do on every one they meet.
I have so much love for this blog and all your reasons why to say a and not say to your kids. I lived on a block where I was the only one who had kids. My kids weren't indoors unless it was raining. And in the wet coast it rained a lot so when the sun shone or the torrential downpour was more like a light mist, we were all outside. My neighbours dog barked my youngest parked back at 18 months. My neighbours came and went from all hours and parked their vehicles on our skinny street. I have heard music blaring and my kids told you shut up. I've had people at my neighbours house litter on my lawn. Literally throw garbage over my fence, over 12 foot cedar trees. I've watched their old lonely dog bark and run up and down the fence playing with my kids. The first joy I've seen since we had moved in. I loved everyone on the block except for those neighbours. One actually talked to me and the rest glared or trashed my property. I'm so glad that we moved and now my new neighbour comes over for beers in the summertime. And my kids absolutely adore his dog as does she my kids. I hope and pray you can find that neighbour who appreciates your family ok your next journey. After putting up with old cranky ass you all deserve it. Great blog Kate. 😃
ReplyDeleteFunny, I have these great plans for outdoor fun should he start his crap again but he's been very quiet over there. Probably secretly planning my demise
DeleteLove this!!! Great blog Kate. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to talk to you this morning & I'm going to be calling more! I thoroughly enjoyed your trials & tribulations and can relate to so much. I am proud to call you my friend!
ReplyDeleteI'm proud you're my friend too! And not even one of my stranger ones!
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